3.5 Reasons You’ll GAIN Weight by Coach John Kyle
Question: Coach John, I’m training my butt off in your classes and I’m still not losing weight, in fact I’ve gained weight! Why? I sweat a ton (as you torture us) with running, push-ups, bag work, kicking, plyometrics, those damn bag slams and all of the other crazy-ass stuff you have us do. I come in 4-6 times a week, depending on my schedule and I really do work hard- you see that! SO?? Why am I not losing weight?
From B.P.
Answer: Well B.P., I have to say that you do work your tail off in each and every training session you’re in! I see the sweat on the floor. (Even after you’ve left here by the way- so you may want to bring an extra towel.) And you’re not alone as I hear this from members in regards to their lack of weight loss. They feel that since they’re training so hard in the gym that the weight should literally be melting right off of them. However, that is not always the case and there are 3.5 Reasons You’ll Gain Weight training here instead of losing:
1. You’re gaining muscle. Every single person who workouts with us here at Clearwater Boxing will absolutely, positively gain muscle as a result of our training methods. The stress on your muscle fibers being used demands that they not only increase in stamina, but strength, explosiveness and size as well. This is how your body works; every time there is stress placed on your muscles, the muscles respond by being prepared for the next time you workout. They’ll be quicker, stronger, bigger, etc, whatever is required of the muscle. So the next time you jump on the scale in your bathroom, take into account that you’ve gained muscle mass from your training.
2. You’re setting the wrong Goal! Too many people come into our program here to “lose weight” and are disappointed when that doesn’t happen overnight. Here is what you’ll need to do: set the correct type of goal, which should be along the lines of body fat- not body weight. Ask yourself “how do your pants fit” after a few months? What about your shirts? Have you had to get new clothes that fit properly? If your pants seem to be roomier than before and your shirts appear to be getting tighter in the right places, then you’re on the right track! So here is your new goal: lose body fat, not simply body weight. Your bathroom scale cannot tell you that you’ve gained muscle and lost fat, it simply tells you what you weigh- which again is irrelevant now that you have your new goal!!
3. You’re Eating Crap. Many people who train here have absolutely NO IDEA how to eat properly! I speak with people each week who believe that McDonalds and Burger King serve actual food. For me, I think it’s insane for someone to not know which foods help them achieve their fitness goals, but when our society is not educated in school about proper food choices, then we rely on the marketing campaigns from companies like McDonalds or Sonic to tell us what we should eat! It makes no sense for you to eat crappy food and then train here at my gym and expect to get results. Stop the insane thinking and eat what you need too to reach your goals. You’ll feel stronger, more energetic throughout the day and you’ll even have a more positive mental attitude and outlook on life.
3.5 You’re eating too much. There are members here who really do try to eat right, but they just eat too much. Unless you’re trying to gain muscle mass, you’ll want to watch how much food you consume throughout the day. Here’s one simple step you can take that will give you immediate results: make sure that you’re NOT eating as much food on the days that you do not train. Why? Because if you have no method of burning up those extra calories, you’re body will simply store the excess as fat. So, once you’ve found the correct healthy foods you’ll want to eat on a daily basis, make sure you’re eating a higher calorie intake for training days and a much smaller calorie intake for non-training days.
Have a question for Coach John? Send it here: john@blackbeltliving.com
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BELOW, in the first week of each month, Coach John writes an article designed to get you educated and motivated with simple steps so you can take on the challenges that life hands you on the road to personal success. If you'd like more motivation, more often, as well as ideas on training, nutrition and more, then click on the Blogger Icon and subscribe to his RSS Feed!!
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3.5 Aspects of a Great Gym By Coach John Kyle
I’ve been training at various Martial Arts Dojos, Boxing Gyms and health clubs across the country since 1981 and I have learned something from each one. From the really good gyms I’ve learned a new technique or training drill, and most important, I’ve come away with a profound sense of motivation and a strong desire to train harder and improve my skill set. But on the flip side, there are often the gyms/dojos that I’ve visited and learned what I DO NOT want from a gym and what I DO NOT want from my trainers! All of this, the good and the bad, went into the creation of this gym: Clearwater Boxing Center.
We wanted a Hardcore Gym that allowed anyone and everyone who was willing to put forth the effort and give it their all, to feel welcome and be supported here. I believe we’ve accomplished that! So, that being said, here are my 3.5 Aspects of a Great Gym:
1. Member Attitude: I’m pretty laid back about a lot of things in life, but training is NOT one of them. I love to train and train hard- even when my body says not to. I’ll switch from lifting weights to heavy bag work or vice versa, but I’ll still train if it’s not a rest day. This is how my wife Mary feels as well. In fact most days I’m training just to keep up with her! And this is also what it’s like here at Clearwater Boxing Center. The clientele, you, WANT to train, and you want to train hard. You love the feelings both physical and mental that a killer training session provides for you. You love walking out the door knowing you gave your best and made strides towards your goals and became better and stronger than you were last week.
The attitude of the members makes a huge difference in the gym because when you surround yourself with lazy people who have no desire, passion, or goals, you slowly become that yourself. So always find ways to surround yourself with folks who are making efforts to become better both physically and mentally because you can’t help but to get caught up in their slipstream of enthusiasm.
2. Gym Environment: If you compare our gym to Planet Fitness, you’ll quickly see that our environments are worlds apart! (The environment is created by the owners and the attitude is created by the members- just in case you were wondering.) For example: Planet fitness has dumbbells that only go to 70 pounds, what this does is keep out anyone who has the physical potential or perhaps just the desire to try to become stronger. It literally holds its members to a certain plateau where they’ll stay indefinitely. They also do not allow members to grunt if they are training hard which strongly implies that members should only make a minimum effort when training. They also provide pizza for the members every Friday night, which is hard to understand if the “after workout meal” is the most important meal of the day! Why would you want your members to pass-up such a crucial time in their training and nutrition?
We want our members to make an effort, to grow, to enhance, to become more that they were last year and even last month! Which means you’ll make noises and let out a few screams and curse words- but you’ll improve! We urge each and every member to sit with Mary “Muscles” and get a revamp on your nutrition intake. (And she’ll even make sure to give you cheat meals as well! Just at the appropriate times of course!) And yes, even though we’re a Boxing Gym, we have dumbbells that go up to 100 pounds because we want you to aim high when setting your goals!!
3. Coaches/Trainers: Like I mentioned before, I’ve had the pleasure to train at many, many, many different gyms from coast to coast and then some, over the years and one thing I see that is like a disease which slowly kills a member’s results (and interest) is the coach’s training style. I’ve watched coaches allow their clients to reside within a comfort zone that is less than mediocre. I watched trainers show clients the most ridiculous movements, tell them which muscle it’s working and be completely wrong! I watched fat trainers tell clients how to lose weight! I watched trainers have their clients perform exercises on those useless big-blue-balls, have them fall off, hurt themselves and then put them right back up again!! I’ve also watched trainers send text messages and hold full blown conversation on the cell phone for over 15 minutes the entire time they were working with clients.
With us, we never let you perform in a comfort zone because you grow if you stay put. We’ll be next to you on a difficult exercise or show you how to build up strength and functionality so that you will perform it full out later on without hurting yourself now. And, we are a walking example of the benefits of living the lifestyle of a fighter.
3.5 The Workouts!!: The mark of a GREAT GYM is of course the “workout”! In one 45 minute session you’ll work cardio vascular endurance, strength training, core fitness and skill building. You’ll use free weights, heavy bags, and other unorthodox training aids to help you improve. You’ll run and sprint. You’ll develop stamina and explosive muscle fiber in both upper and lower body. You’ll use muscles that most people have never heard of or simply shy away from using! You’ll develop your self esteem by not quitting. You’ll improve your self-discipline by staying consistent in attendance and always maintaining a high level of effort in each class. You’ll enhance your focus and concentration by being able to stay mentally focused while being physically exhausted. The training is high energy and is also innovative. (You won’t anything like this anywhere!) AND, you’ll be supported by both members and coaches alike the entire time.
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3.5 Tips for Business Success
It’s been 2 ½ years since Clearwater Boxing Center has opened its doors as a full time Boxing / Kickboxing Gym and we’ve done nothing but grow. We’ve improved our membership base as well as the skill level of those members month after month. Yes, there are people we loose from time to time who have high hopes and then discover that this is actually hard work, but for everyone one person who moves on, there are 5 people who stay- and THAT is Business Success worth talking about!
That being said, here are Clearwater Boxing’s 3.5 Tips for Business Success:
1. Create a System: In every great business model you see or read about, like McDonalds or Burger King, there is a system that ensures its success day-in and day-out, and our gym is no exception. From the way in which we schedule classes on a weekly basis, to the way we structure each training session itself, to the way we collect payments and the way we market our business, we follow a system. Though I’m sure it really doesn’t seem that way! LOL!!
If you want to increase your chances of success in life, whether it is losing weight or making money, then be sure that you Create a System of action in place. (I know I always say you need to create a “plan”, but most of the time your plan needs to include “creating a system”!)
2. Do What You Love: I don’t know anything about construction, or carpentry. I don’t enjoy working on cars or computers. I didn’t go to school for law or to get a medical degree- THIS is what I love! And I know I love it because it’s all I’ve done really since 1981 and professionally since 1988. I love to see someone new have their eyes light-up when they see that it’s possible that they can actually do this activity when they had so much doubt at first! I also love to see someone who is years into training learn something new and enjoy the process of growth and development even when they thought they’d seen it all! And I love to see people enjoy the training methods of Boxing, Kickboxing, MMA and weight training just as much as I do!
If there is something you love to do, (writing, gardening, pet sitting and walking/grooming dogs, computers, paintball, lifting weights, etc.) that you know you could do every day, then see if there is a way you could make a living doing it or even just extra money part time. If not, then simply find a way to spend as much time doing it anyways! No matter what, do what you love in life- it’s far too short to do what you loathe!
3. Study, Learn, Grow…: One thing I’ve always made sure I do each month, is to learn something new in regards to training, whether that be for myself or for my students. In order to grow and develop in business and life, you have to! Have you ever seen a stagnant body of water? It begins to stink after a while because there is no fresh water coming in, and for me, fresh water implies new knowledge and skills. Just look at how the Martial Arts have grown since 1993 when the UFC first hit the scene. It showed how traditional martial arts were all but useless in a real situation and black belts across the nation were scrambling to learn more so they did not become obsolete. And the people who benefitted from that learning and growth the most? They were the clients of the martial arts schools. (You!)
Studying and Growing go hand-in-hand with Doing What You Love, because when you are doing what you love, you will be much more inclined to learn everything you can about it! So get online, purchase books and CDs and attend as many classes and courses as you can so that when you do learn something new, you’ll be able to share that knowledge with others and grow to new heights!
4. Don’t Know Quit: Like any new business venture, no one really knows if it will fail or succeed, and when we opened our doors, Tampa Bay boasted a 13% unemployment rate, the economy of our nation was in a bad recession and heading towards a depression, and I had just bought a brand new house with Mary!! How crazy is THAT?!? I knew I had to make a serious decision: was I going to move on to something more stable, or was I going to give this business a far shot? Guess we all know the answer to that, huh? A good friend of mine reminded me that I didn’t reach my 6th Degree Black Belt because I’m accustomed to giving up, I achieved my 6th Degree because I Don’t Know “Quit.”
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3.5 Success Killers By Coach John Kyle
Nearly everyone I have ever spoken with wants to achieve some sort of success in their lives. Some people want to make a million dollars a year through owning their own business and /or real estate. Some want to get into great physical shape, write a book, earn a degree, or travel the world and some just want to kick a bad habit like smoking. The common factor is that we all want something, and we all run into the inevitable roadblocks that seek to stifle our success in life!
With that said, here are my 3.5 Success Killers (and what to do about them):
1. Self Doubt- This one of those negative emotions in life that we all have to deal with from time to time. Here is how doubt works: once a negative event happens that you may or may not be responsible for (a customer yells at you, you lose a sale, you drop the ball when a friend is counting on you, you lose a competition, etc.) doubt has a way of creeping into your head and making a nest for itself. Doubt leads to a state of uncertainty in your ability to accomplish things and your capability to make positive choices. Periodic questioning of our actions and motives is good from time to time of course, but when done with doubt and uncertainty, your self esteem and self confidence are sure to be struck hard and knocked down a few notches.
The quickest and most effective ways to defeat doubt before it can fester are to:
1. Accept the fact that you’re human and you’ll make mistakes from time to time. In other words: put it into perspective. Ask yourself “Am I making this into a big deal when it’s not?”
2. Once you have done that, look to see where you can fix the damage and then immediately do so. By taking action quickly and decisively, you’ll keep your confidence high. Once you’ve taken immediate action, you’ll then want to…
3. Focus on the next task at hand and how you can make it a success.
By taking these 3 steps you’ll feel confident again and ready to take on new challenges. We don’t have a choice as to whether we will deal with doubt in our lives, but we do have a choice as to how long it stays and how deep it goes.
2. Negative Projection- If doubt gets its nest secured, then the second dangerous Success Killer will begin as you negatively project into the future how everything else in your life will eventually fail and fall apart. When you begin to project like this, you cast your negative emotions into the future and paint a bleak picture for yourself of what the end result of a situation will be. You’ll see yourself in the poor-house, or 100 pounds overweight, or completely alone with no one to share your life with- basically you’ll see yourself with the opposite of what your dreams and plans are for your life. Unknowingly, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Negative projection, because it is fueled with so much fear and doubt, can seem real at times, yet negative projection is simply the wrong use of your imagination.
The best way to avoid this trap is to immediately use your imagination in a positive manner and paint a picture of yourself overcoming the negative situation and create the perfect ending. You’ll need to take a few short minutes to literally envision yourself making the sale, coming through for your friend, making the customer happy, or giving a strong presentation with the audience smiling and/or laughing. Whatever end result you’re working towards, by using your imagination in a positive and inspirational way, you’ll save yourself needless suffering from one of life’s powerful Success Killers!
3. Procrastination- If you have fallen prey to doubt and negative projection, then you’ll be feeling pretty down about yourself and your ability to perform. These first two “Success Killers” will inevitably lead to the obstructive character trait of procrastination. Procrastination is such a powerful Success Killer because it is the one thing that will help to validate the doubt you feel and the negative projection you see for yourself in the near future. Procrastination leads to a lack of motivation and drive which of course will destroy any chance for you to achieve your desired goal of personal or professional success. Procrastination will always lead you to a place where you’ll have to get something done in a too short a period of time and that will create panic, which leads right back to creating more self doubt!
The most effective, and obvious, way to overcome procrastination is to take immediate action on one of your goals or an item on your to-do list. This way, you’ll be taking steps out of the negative aspect of your day and onto a path that will lead you to creating a day that finds you as a success. (Even if it happens to be the clean laundry in your closet that has piled up and needs to be folded…oh wait…that’s me.)
3.5 Justification- This is perhaps the most powerful “Success Killer” out there. Justification leads you into making excuses for your depressing feelings of doubt, confirming your projection of a pessimistic outcome and validating why you are procrastinating and not taking any action. Too many people in our society will justify why they have taken actions that were illegal, dishonest or possibly even harmful to themselves and others. Justification has literally killed people and separated families over the ages. Look at how drug addicts and alcoholics behave, even those addicted to prescription medication justify their actions- “well the doctor prescribed it, so it’s OK.” The more often you rationalize your harmful behavior, the stronger your negative justifications will become, until they are nearly impossible to overcome later down the road.
Successful people never justify or argue over their negative behavior, they see themselves and the world realistically and not the way they “think” it should be. They make honest self-appraisals of themselves, their thoughts and actions, and seek to make better choices that will lead them closer to the success they desire. So take another few moments and look to see if you are arguing for any of your limitations, because if you are, you get to keep them!
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3.5 Ways to Break The Ropes!! By Coach John Kyle
You have something that holds you back from reaching your desired level of success in life- I know you do! How do I know this? Because, unknowingly we all do, I like to call these "ropes". And did you know that one of the most powerful animals that walks the earth is controlled by a simple, old rope? When I first saw a 2 tone elephant held back by something so small and weak I just couldn't believe it. I asked why the elephant never even tried to break free from it and I learned he had stopped years ago. I then found out that this is a way that people have learned to control these powerful creatures over the years; they tie a strong rope to its leg as a baby so that he quickly learns that he is not strong enough to break free and he eventually stops trying all together. That way, when the elephant is full grown and powerful, he will never bother to break free of the rope because he has developed a deep belief that he simply cannot do it. Sound familiar?
How many times in your life have you let an old and tired rope from years ago hold you back? Do you have a negative belief that tells you that you cannot open your own business, get a college degree, look as good as the folks in magazines or possess a character of courage and discipline? There is a difference between not wanting to achieve something and believing that you cannot do it!
So, if you're looking for ways to break through the things that hold you back from achieving success, you'll want to read my 3.5 Ways to Break The Ropes:
1. Find Your “Ropes”: In order to move forward in life you’ve got to know what ropes hold you back, but often those ropes can VERY tricky to see! Take a look at an alcoholic or drug addict; everyone else can see how their substance abuse is holding them back and causing damage, yet the alcoholic or addict feels it’s moving them forward! Denial can be incredibly strong with or without a substance abuse problem! Far too many times the ropes that hold you back will stem from messages you received from your parents, well meaning to be sure, yet today serve you no purpose. For instance, sometimes parents will want keep their kids safe by not letting them participate in contact sports and say something like “Joey, you’re just not strong enough to play with the other boys.” That may be true for a young and awkward 8 or 10 year old, but many times kids translate that message to “you’re weak Joey.” Now Joey, who is 18 years old and has grown to be 6’2” and 230 pounds, avoids getting involved in football, hockey, lacrosse or MMA like all of his friends because he is held back by an old rope that is obviously no longer true!
Sometimes these messages were given to you as a child, maybe from a sibling or a classmate. Perhaps the rope was tied to you from a coworker or someone you were in a relationship with in the past. Possibly the message was intended to be well meaning, and other times the message was meant to harm you, either way, it holds you back. Many times, the older the rope, the more powerful it can be and the harder to break. So take a look back: did your parents encourage you or put you down? What about teachers, classmates, brothers, sisters, friends or coaches? Find the ropes that are now useless to you and then follow the next few steps.
2. Find When You Use the “Ropes”: Once you’ve found what holds you back from your goals or dreams in life, look to see where you use it. For instance, do you use the belief that “you’re not good looking enough” to decide to not ask someone out on a date? Do you use the rope that “you’re not athletic” to stop you from learning a new sport or going to the gym? Do you let the rope “I don’t know how to eat healthy” stop you from living a healthy and clean life style and shed the body fat you’ve collected over the years? If there is something you want to do, have or achieve and you find some reason why you “should not” attempt it- that is when you use your “rope”!!
3. Break the “Ropes”: For most people this is NOT an easy task! There are many years of belief-building and fear-festering that you’ll have to contend with on this step. And on certain ropes you’ll have to battle it out a number of times before you truly overcome it and break free. The two best best methods to use here are excitement (motivation) and anger- yes anger. Listen, getting motivated for something is healthy and positive, and works well in many cases. Use it as often as possible, and depending on the rope you just might break free of it quickly. But you’ll find that with some ropes, you’ll need to get pissed off! Get mad; “That’s it! I’ve had enough of this crap and I’m not taking it (doing it) anymore!!” Sometimes getting angry can be healthy because it gets you off your ass and moving in the right direction in life!
3.5 Break the “Ropes” For Good: Once you’ve broken the ropes, they have a habit of returning if you’re not careful! For instance, let’s say you want to lose 40 pounds in six months and you fail to achieve your goal in time. What do you do then? Well, lots of people simply quit and assume that the ‘rope’ was right all along- “they really are worthless”, or that “they will be fat forever and there’s nothing they can do about it.” What a bunch of bull shit. In that case simply extend the finish date another few months, but achieve the goal!! The one best way I’ve found to completely throw away the rope is to continue to act in accordance with the way I want to be in life. For example, if you don’t want to be a fat slob and want to be someone who is in good physical shape, then eating right and training every day is something you must always do until your days on earth are done! If you don’t want to feel scared and want to be someone who is courageous, then you’ll have to face fear and take risks in life! If you don’t want to feel stupid and want to feel as if you’re an intelligent person, then you’ll have to read, study and learn new things from now on! The key to breaking the “Ropes” is not to just change your thinking, but to change your actions!!
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4.5 Power Questions (you need to ask yourself NOW!) By Coach John Kyle
What have you done so far towards achieving your 2010 Goals? A lot? A little? Maybe nothing at all? Perhaps you’ve made real headway in a few areas but dropped the ball on others? As it turns out, most people will simply work on the uncomplicated New Year’s Resolutions like exercising, eating better and saving a few dollars, but the more complex or challenging goals will lay partly dead on the cutting room. Let’s face it, getting in shape is not rocket science: eat right, join a gym and go, but learning how to improve your internal business systems, increase your social marketing strategy effectiveness, your sales presentation skills or getting your 1st book published in the next few months are usually not as straightforward to complete.
So, if you’re stuck in a rut with a few of the more major or complex goals, you’ll want to read and answer my 4.5 Power Questions- and you need to ask them NOW!
1. If we were to meet 3 years from now, what would you need to transpire within that period for you to feel happy about your progress? Asking this question gets you future-focused. It allows you to use your imagination and really get specific on what your life could ideally be. But, to get the clearest picture possible you’ll want to ask a few of these follow-up questions: Where would you be living? How much would your income be? Would you have any kids? Or would your kids be out of the (freakin’) house? Loose 20, 40 or 70 pounds? Earn a degree? Take a trip? This first initial Power Question gets the ball rolling in regards to creating some much needed motivation to tackle the larger goals.
2. What are the strengths that you have that you would need to focus on and capture to achieve those things? For example, let’s say you are successful a small business owner which caters to a niche market yet you face opposition from several other local competitors. Perhaps your best bet is to stay on top of what is current or changing in your industry, which could be a new technology, product or package deal. By keeping up to date on new trends in your industry that your competitors don’t use, and backing that up with great service, you’ll stand a good chance to outlast them in the long haul. This way, you’re playing to your strength of a successful business owner and looking for opportunities to improve that strength.
3. What are the biggest challenges you’ll have to face and deal with in order to achieve what you want? By defining what challenges you might face in the near future, you’ll be better able to create a plan of action to overcome them. For instance, if you know that one of your new job responsibilities that your boss is giving you will include public speaking, (and it makes you sh*t your pants) then perhaps you’ll want to look for a coach in this area, like toastmasters for example. This way you’ll be prepared when the time comes to speak in front of the Board of Directors or an important prospect. Simply create a list and next to the challenge write down a possible solution or two.
4. What skills and/or resources will you need to develop that you don’t currently have, in order to capture possible opportunities? This question is like asking Lewis and Clark what tools they’ll need to live in the wild and cross America. Here are examples of what I mean; if you want to invest in real estate but have never been through the process, then taking courses through seminars, DVD’s or on-line will be prudent, or if you want to advance in your company, what certifications or degrees will you need? What if you know nothing in regards of nutrition or weight training, then maybe getting a few private training sessions with Coach John will do the trick! By knowing what areas you lack knowledge in, you’ll be better able to create a more solid game plan to achieve your more challenging goals.
4.5 Who do you know that could help? A few years ago, I was having lunch with an old friend who was a financial advisor. He was talking about how he wanted to grow his business by attracting wealthier clients and was frustrated because he couldn’t find a way to get his foot in the door of the 10 people he had targeted. I suggested he ask the clients he was presently working with if they knew these people because, after all, if they trusted him with their investments, then they’ll most likely feel comfortable giving their friends names as referrals. As it turned out, 7 people on his targeted list were best friends of his top clients. He eventually met with them all and he gained 5 new (and wealthier) clients. And as a result of him looking for others to help him rather than doing it all on his own, his business grew quicker than expected and he accomplished one his largest goals for that year! So who do you know that can help you?
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3.5 Ways to Find Your Passion By Coach John Kyle
Are you living your passion yet? Do you even know what it is? Have you begun to look for what it might be? If “yes”, great, but if your answers are “no”- NO PROBLEM! There are millions of people who have never even asked the question ”what am I passionate about?” They get up each morning and go about their day (day after dreary day) wishing for something better and never even knowing what that ‘something’ may be. So you are NOT alone in the quest for finding your Passion.
If you would like to start your journey in seeking out what you’re passionate about in life, or if you would like to get a clearer and more concise understanding of what you think your passion is, then you’ll want to read and follow my 3.5 Ways To Find Your Passion:
1. Know What You DO NOT Like: This is usually easy for most folks to accomplish- and perhaps the best starting point for an exercise such as this. For example, when you were a kid you knew exactly which vegetables you DID NOT like, right? Personally, I HATED brussells sprouts. Logically, I didn’t continue to stuff brussels sprouts down my throat. I simply looked for other vegetables that I might like- as did my parents (endlessly). Finding one’s passion works much the same way. If you can’t stand sitting in front of a computer all day, if you loathe taking orders from other people, if you hate making cold calls, if you detest working with kids/your peers/seniors, or working with your hands (carpentry, automotive repair, landscape, etc.)- then at least you have a start!
This step really is simple, but the sad part is that too many people simply reach this step-and that’s it! All they really know is what they DO NOT like- and they let everyone around them know, as well! Ever meet someone like that? These are the folks that complain endlessly about work, or their weight, or their significant other, yet they never take any action to change their circumstances. DON’T be one of THOSE people! Get past this step by just reading the next.
2. Ask Yourself Questions: Following step one, you now really have to begin asking and answering some better/higher questions. You must begin to dig deep here on a personal level and answer the questions most people don’t think about, or are too lazy to ask. Here are a few to get you started, but please feel free to create your own:
What are your values? What do you care about? What is fun for you? What are you strengths? What are your talents? What opportunities are in front of you? Do you like working with your hands or working with your mind? Do you enjoy helping kids or elderly people? Do you like to read? Write? Do you like to speak in front of people? Do you understand computers? Are you good at numbers? Do you converse well with others? Do you prefer to work alone? Do you like to take risks? Do you know more than one language or enjoy learning languages? What excites you? What drives you? What can you do for others that not a lot of people are able to do? What have you secretly dreamed of doing that you’ve not told anyone? And here’s a good one to answer: if you could not fail, what would you do?
The very nature of asking these questions demands that your brain find an answer. And by asking a variety of questions, you do not limit yourself and miss out on any possibilities or opportunities that may come your way. Now get “asking”!
3. Ask Your Friends & Family Questions: One of the things I’ve found beneficial over the years is that my close friends and family members have a good “outside” view of what my strengths may be, or what I may really enjoy doing without even noticing. I’ve also found that the best way to go about this step is to “preframe” the person you’re asking. For example, you may want to say something like this before you ask any questions: “Joe, I’m really searching and looking for what I’m passionate about in life, or what my strengths may be, but I’m stuck. So I’m asking a few choice friends what their thoughts may be on what I may be good at.” Saying something similar to that will put the other person into a frame of mind where they’re focused on what they feel you may be good at- not bad at.
Be warned!: This is NOT the best step for everyone to take!!! You have to be careful who you allow to into your private world. You may have well meaning family members who tell you not to bother with all this passion-stuff because “you’ll just get your hopes up and then get disappointed.” They mean well because they feel as if they’re protecting you, but what they’re really doing is limiting your growth! So be wise in whom you choose to ask!
4. There May Be More Than One Passion!: (And it may NOT be your career.) One thing that can be misleading in the quest to find one’s passion is that there is an underlying implication that there can only be one thing that someone is passionate about. How wrong that is! If I had limited myself to only teaching someone else’s system of Traditional Martial Arts 20-some years ago as an employee, I wouldn’t have traveled to Hawaii, Texas or down here to Florida. I wouldn’t have focused on learning Boxing and Kickboxing so proficiently, or knife & stick fighting, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Submission Wrestling and adrenal stress self defense. I wouldn’t have taken the risk and opened up my own business, become a Regional Director for a national association, learned strength and conditioning for fighters, write and speak. I would simply be teaching the same boring old classes I was forced to teach. (I’d rather dig my eye out with a spoon!)
Another thing that can be extremely beneficial in searching for your passion is to understand that it may NOT be your career field. It may be a part time job, or perhaps something you volunteer for in the evenings or on weekends. It may be a sport or hobby. It may turn out that you only get the chance to do it a few times each year. And that’s OK! If by some chance your passion becomes your career- then fantastic! But that may not alwaysbe the case. So be as realistic and practical at the same time by “keeping your feet on the ground while your head is in the clouds”.
4.5 The Pay-Off: Why bother with all of this passion cr*p? Seriously, what’s the use? There has to be a benefit to all of this work, right? You bet there is! And it can be summed up in sentence: the real pay-off to finding your life’s passions, is that you’ll then discover a life worth living!
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